Wolfy Chai

Society’s meanness is not inevitable—people choose to be mean, often because they believe it is necessary to prepare children for a harsh world. However, relying on past norms justifies the perpetuation of cruelty. Instead, we should recognize that society’s tone is shaped by the culture we collectively foster. A kinder society begins with intentional action, not resignation to tradition. 

This cruelty can originate from many sources: politics, propaganda and division tactics, as well as interpersonal disagreements. Many factors contribute to the “ripening” of one’s mean nature, such as one’s level of education, amount of ignorance, presence of ego, level of communication, and pervasiveness of intellectual honesty. Since we largely live in an intellectually dishonest society, it is challenging to convey any differences in perspectives. People often forget; there is always a reason why someone acts a certain way, even if you cannot understand why. 

As previously mentioned, ignorance is a condition for the ripening of cruelty. Ignorance can be used as a means to justify what other people might see as unthinkable. It does not take away that in that person’s eyes, they think they are acting within reason. 

It is difficult for me to accept the widespread resignation to society’s cruelty, or the belief that it is static and unchangeable. This belief is false. Regardless of others’ actions, each individual is responsible for their own behavior. If we want a culture of kindness, it begins with personal commitment and collective effort. 

People are not “too sensitive” for pointing out cruelty, even if that cruelty is merely a micro-aggression. The way we treat each other is incorporated in the language we use to classify and generalize, criticize, and minimize others. It is, in turn, it is also incorporated into all aspects of how we actually view them. More specifically, it factors into decisions based on their ego that determine whether someone is inferior, superior, uglier, prettier, etc. How we view each other is just another choice we decide to make. 

Hostility anywhere, no matter how small, acts as a divisive force. It creates environments where people are not free to be vulnerable nor able to communicate. Overall, a kind environment is essential for a culture of kindness because it helps to generate mutual understanding and diffuse judgement.

Buddhism, like several other Eastern philosophies, does a good job at contextualizing the reality that everyone is one. Everyone is connected. We choose to treat others differently, often not realizing that we are in effect harming ourselves as well. For example:

“If, desiring happiness, you cause harm to others who also desire happiness, you will not find happiness hereafter.” (Dhammapada 131); “By oneself is evil done; by oneself is one defiled. By oneself is evil left undone; by oneself is one purified. Purity and impurity depend on oneself; no one can purify another.” (Dhammapada 165). 

Traditional Christianity is also rooted in these same acknowledgements—although they are not as often practiced:

“Whoever oppresses the poor shows contempt for their Maker, but whoever is kind to the needy honors God.”  (Proverbs 14:31); “A merciful man does good for his own soul, but he who is cruel troubles his own flesh.” (Proverbs 11:17); “For where envy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice.” (James 3:16). 

Once people are given a license to treat others poorly because of the cruelty they have experienced, cruel behaviors multiply. In contrast, people who experience poor treatment can still choose instead to end the chain of cruelty, starting with not being cruel themselves.

In an alternative society, if the metrics for how we evaluate successes were shifted, those who are known for being cruel could potentially not be promoted or even hired at jobs. Perhaps those people shouldn’t be in those positions to begin with? Perhaps there are more important factors? More than money. More than charm. What we decide to make the most important factors, the most admirable traits,  what we brand as “charisma” is entirely up to us as a society. If you are in a position of power, you have the authorization to prevent the promotion of these bad actors who manage to climb to the highest ranks of society. 

Our current model prioritizes money and productivity, which often sustains cruelty and rewards those lacking in kindness. Still, these priorities do not inherently excuse cruelty. We do not need to accept hostility as the norm even within the current framework. By consciously choosing kindness, we can help create a better world. 

Each one of us has the opportunity to “be the change [they] wish to see in the world” – Gandhi. In every aspect of our lives, we make choices. A choice to be kind, or a choice to be mean. Choose wisely.